Snowy White. A more funny version. Przedstawienie w języku angielskim

Szkoła ponadgimnazjalna
--------------------------------------

SNOWY WHITE
( A more funny version)

SCENE I (AT THE CASTLE)
The QUEEN is in her suite and approaches the mirror. She’s quite glad.
QUEEN: Speak! Let me see my face.
MIRROR:What would You like to know my QUEEN?
QUEEN: Magic mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all??
MIRROR: My QUEEN you’re lovely, but there is more beautiful than you!
QUEEN: What?????? Tell me her name!!
MIRROR: Lips red as the rose.Hair black as ebony. Skin white as snow...(the mirror stops sharply)
QUEEN: Snow white!!Agrrrr........
The QUEEN goes madly round the mirror.
QUEEN: I need to do something! (Suddenly she stops ahd says satisfied )Guard!!!!!!
GUARD comes quickly
GUARD: Yes my QUEEN!
The QUEEN takes a look around and says very gently and quietly at first.
QUEEN: Take SNOWY WHITE far into the fortest. Find some secluded place where she can pick wildflowers.
GUARD:Yes, your majesty.
QUEEN: And there, my faithful huntsman, you will kill her!!
GUARD: But, your majesty, the little princess!
QUEEN: Quiet! ... But to make doubly sure... Bring back her heart...
The QUEEN starts to laugh madly and the GUARD goes miserably away.

SCENE II (IN THE FOREST)

SNOWY WHITE picks the flowers and talks to birds.. At the same time the GUARD tries to kill her by...cutting her head off but he fails and hurts himself in his leg.
SNOWY WHITE: Preety birds, beautiful birds...
A bird falls onto the ground
SNOWY WHITE: Preety flowers, beautiful flowers...
She picks up mushrooms (a toadstool). The GUARD tries to kill her by shooting her from his bow but he fails and hurts himself in his head.
GUARD: I can’t ! I can’t do it! Forgive me.
SNOWY WHITE: Why do You talk to yourself?
GUARD: She’s mad!
SNOWY WHITE: But... but who??
GUARD: She’s jealous of you!!!!
SNOWY WHITE: But who??
GUARD: The QUEEN!!
ECHO: THE QUEEN!!! THE QUEEN!!! THE QUEEN!!!
SNOWY WHITE: The QUEEN?
GUARD: Yes, her! She wants to see you... dead! But I can’t do that! So run away and hide!
SNOWY WHITE hides behind the bush.
GUARD: Not, not there!
SNOWY WHITE hides behind the tree.
GUARD: Not, not there!
SNOWY WHITE looks for a hiding place.
GUARD: Run away, far, far, far away... (he says in a romantic way, and suddenly he has an idea) To the next village!
SNOWY WHITE runs away and the guard takes his bowand looks around.
GUARD: I’ll kill the pig and take its heart out to show it to the QUEEN
He sees the pig and runs after it.

SCENE III (AT THE DWARF’S COTTAGE)

SNOWY WHITE wanders around the wood, crying and sobbing... Then she sees the cottage...
SNOWY WHITE: Oh, what’s that? It’s just like a doll’s house. Ohhh... It’s dark inside. I guess there’s no one home.
SNOWY WHITE knocks on the door.
SNOWY WHITE: Hello? May I come in?
SNOWY WHITE enters the cottage and takes a look around.
SNOWY WHITE : Why, there’s seven little chairs. Must be seven little children. And from the look of this table, seven untidy little children.
She takes some dirty thing into her hand and says with disgust.
SNOWY WHITE : Ohh... Socks... And just look at the fireplace! It’s covered with dust. And look, cobwebs everywhere... What a pile of dirty dishes. Do they ever clean this place? Shall they call Mr Muscle?... Maybe they have no mother. That’s too bad... I know! I’ll clean the house and suprise them. Then, maybe they’ll let me stay.
She starts cleaning out and after a while she says:
SNOWY WHITE: What the hell?Am I not a princess? I won’t tidy and wash!! I won’t do that!! So, what shall I do? I’ll rest... as ussuall...
She goes to one of the beds and tries to lay on it. She suddenly falls asleep murmuring:
SNOWY WHITE It’s so short... it’s so short... it’s so short...

The dwarfs come back home... They come to the stage regularly and very proud of themselves go round singing...
DWARFS: HEIGH-HO, HEIGH-HO,
HEIGH-HO, IT’S HOME FROM WORK
WE GO, HEIGH-HO, HEIGH-HO,
HEIGH-HO x2 or 3 times
DOC stops and all the dwarfs fall onto him. They stand up and make their clothes clean shouting at each other... Then DOC says:
DOC: There’s someone inside
TOGETHER: There’s someone inside!!!
BASHFUL: That’s a bad sign... Crap...
DOC: Let’s check it.
GRUMPY: Hah! Someone’s opened the door
HAPPY: Someone’s touched my chair.
BASHFUL: Someone’s sit on my chair!!!
DOC: Someone’s sleeping in my bed!!!!!!!!!
GRUMPY: In your bed?
SNEEZY: In your bed?
HAPPY: In your bed?
BASHFUL: In yor bed?
DOC: Yes, in my bed and she’s biiiiiiiiig (with a disgust)
Together: She’s big.....
DOC: Grumpy! It’s a girl!! (i na weary way)
SNEEZY: She’s mighty pretty.
BASHFUL: She’s beautiful. Just like an angel.
GRUMPY: Angel, hah! She’s female! And all females is poison! They’re full of wicked wiles!
BASHFUL: What are wicked wiles
GRUMPY: I don’t know, but I imagine they’re. Shhhhh!! Not so loud. You’ll wake her up.
SNEEZY: Look out. She’s movin.
HAPPY: She’s wakin’ up!!
SNEEZY: What do we do?
The dwarfs start running from one side of the room to the other, pushing each other and finally they all collapse and then they decide to squat and cover they eyes with their hands. They try to peep at the girl.
SNOWY WHITE: Wow!! Am I drunk or having halucionations? Seven little children trying to hide? How do you do?
HAPPY: How do you do what?
SNOWY WHITE: You can talk. I’m so glad!! Now, don’t tell me who you are. Let me guess.
The princess tries to guess the names but she fails every time she says the name. Finally the dwarfs introduce themselves, quite disatisfied with the princess lack of knowledge. At the end Happy introduces Dopey.
HAPPY: And this is DOPEY. He doesn’t talk much?
SNOWY WHITE: You mean he can’t talk?
HAPPY: I don’t know. He never tried...
GRUMPY: Ok. And who are you? And what are you doing in our house? You, you... big thing!!
SNOWY WHITE: Oh, how silly of me. I’m Snowy White.
TOGETHER: Snowy White? The princess??????
SNOWY WHITE: Yes.
DOC: Well, my dear quincess-uh, princess. We’re honored. Yes, we’re...
GRUMPY(interrupting Doc): We are not happy with your beeing at our house!
DOC: (falls onto knees in front of the princess): What?? No, no, no, my quiness...
SNOWY WHITE: Please, don’t send me away. If you do, she’ll kill me.
TOGETHER: Kill you?
VARIOUS: Who will?Yes, who?
SNOWY WHITE: My stepmother, the queen.
TOGETHER: The QUEEN! She’s wicked.
HAPPY: She’s bad!!
SNEEZY: She’s mighty mean.
GRUMPY: She’s an old witch!! I’m warnin’ ya! If the queen finds her here, she’ll swoop down...
SNOWY WHITE: But she doesn’t know where I am.
Various: If yes, you can stay with us!!!
GRUMPY: She don’t huh? She knows everything. She’s full of black magic. She can even make herself invisible. Pffft!!! Might be in this room right now.
SNOWY WHITE: Oh, she’ll never find me here. And if you left me stay, I’ll keep house for you. I’ll wash and sew and sweep and cook and....
TOGETHER: Cook?????????... Hurray!! She stays!!!
The dwarfs cheer and dance around the princess.

SCENE IV –A DANGER

QUEEN: Magic mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?
MIRROR: Over the seven jewelled hills, beyond the seven fall, in the cottage of the seven dwarfs, lives Snowy White, fairest one of all.
QUEEN (calmly): Snowy White lies dead in the forest. The huntsman has brought me proof- her heart.
MIRROR: SNOWY WHITE still lives, the fairest in the land (it changes the tone of voice when the Queen shows it her fist) but I won’t argue... this is a heart of a pig you hold in your hand.
QUEEN: The heart of a pig!? Then I’ve been tricked! (the Queen moves madly round the stage)What a trivial thing! (she stops and says in a satisfied manner) I’ll go myself to the dwarfs’ cottage and then...

SCENE V – A WICKED MEDIC

The medic checks the stuff when the queen comes to the room in a disquise.
QUEEN: I need something to kill someone.
MEDIC (showing the saw): Maybe this?
QUEEN: No, no, not this.
MEDIC (showing the axe): Maybe something like this?
QUEEN: No, no not this. I need something special.
MEDIC (showing the syringe with poison): Maybe something like this?
QUEEN: Oh yes, this is good but I can’t take it just like that...
MEDIC (tapping onto the forehead and showing and apple) Of course! We will put this into this!!
QUEEN: Oh yeah! Hahahahahaha

SCENE VI – A FATAL VISIT

The dwarfs take their things as they preapare for leaving...
DOC: We’re going to work and you stay here! Be careful. Watch out. Be... be care... Watch it! Watch it! Watch---watch—ah---thanks.
BASHFUL: Watch out the strangers! Especially queens !!!
SNOWY WHITE: Well... all right. But that’s the last, oh! Go on. Run along.
DWARfS: HEIGH-HO, HEIGH-HO,
HEIGH-HO, IT’S OFF TO WORK WE GO,
HEIGH-HO, HEIGH-HO,
HEIGH-HO x2 or 3.
SNOWY WHITE: Good-bye... Good-bye!!!
QUEEN (hidding behind the tree): The little men will be away... and she’ll be alone...
SNOWY WHITE: Some day my prince will come, some day we’ll meet again and away to his castle we’ll go, to be happy forever I know.
Snowy White cleans the house and the Queen comes in.
QUEEN: All alone, me darling?
SNOWY WHITE: Why... why, yes, I am, but...
QUEEN: The little men are not here?
SNOWY WHITE: No, they’re not, but mm..hmmm...
QUEEN: Makin’ pies?
SNOWY WHITE: Yes. gooseberry pie.
QUEEN: It’s apple pies that makes the menfolks’ mouths water. Pies made from apples like these.
SNOWY WHITE: Oh, they do look delicious.
QUEEN: Yes! But wait till you taste one, my darling. Like to try one?
SNOWY WHITE: Hmmmmmm...
QUEEN: Go on. Go on, have a bite.
Snowy White takes an apple and looks at it.
QUEEN I’ll share a secret with you. This is no ordinary apple. It’s a magic wishing apple.
SNOWY WHITE: A wishing apple?
QUEEN: Yes! One bite and all your dreams will come true.
SNOWY WHITE: Really?
QUEEN: Yes, girlie!!! Now, make a wish and take a bite.
Snowy White bites the apple, looks satisfied... but suddenly...
SNOWY WHITE: Oh! I feel strange...
Snowy White falls onto the floor. The queen hides behind the tree giggling.

SCENE VII – THE TRAGEDY

All the dwarfs come back home after work singing they song. But as they enter the room Doc sees the princes and sudenly stops, all the dwarfs fall onto him and after a while thye see the princess and they gasp in amazement. Then they rush to her. But they recognizethat she is like in a coma. They start to mourn.
DOC: Shall we inform the prince? Shall we tell him about this tragedy?
GRUMPY: BASHFUL, SNEEZY, let’s go and find him (they leave)
VARIOUS: Our beauty, our pretty what happend to you?
After a while the dwarfs come back with the Prince.
PRINCE: Here I am(he falls over the chair). Where is my beauty?Why is she unprepared for her prince? Why is she sleeping? Wake her up!
DWARFS: We’ve been trying to tell you about it all the way down... but you kept talking about your own beauty! All the time!
PRINCE (checks the hand of the princess): Ah! Yes!! She’s dead!(i na funny way)
DWARFS: No, she’s asleep we think!!
PRINCE: Ok., so I’ll kiss her now and you turn around, don’t watch!
The Prince kisses Snowy White and she wakes up
SNOWY WHITE: What the hell? (she sees the prince and changes the tone) My prince! Where have you been all the time! Have you killed the QUEEN?
PRINCE: eeeeeeee...
DWARFS: Hurayy! Our princes is alive!!! Hurayyyy!
GRUMPY: And she can now make us a good dinner!
PRINCE: So, if you are now well (whispering) we can get married!
The dwarfs start to cheer and dance around the couple.

When the curtains are closed the two dwarfs come out.
DOPEY: And we will find the QUEEN and...
The QUEEN springs out from her hiding place and runs...
HAPPY:DOPEY, you can talk!!!!!
DOPEY: Yes, I can, of course...
HAPPY: But why haven’t you spoken a word for so long?
DOPEY: Because I didn’t feel the need to and because there wasn’t a QUEEN to kill to!!!
They follow the Queen.
THE END